Department of Defense Uses New Strategy to Evoke Confessions from Enemy Detainees

The Obama Administration has come up with new guidelines for the treatment of enemy combatants and detainees after stumbling across an unusual method that has proved quite effecting in eliciting confessions from prisoners. The method: prolonged exposure to contemporary Christian worship music. After the various methods used at Abu Ghraib gained public attention followed by the purported use of “enhanced interrogation techniques” that lead to the killing of Osama Bin Laden, the Department of Defense researched kinder, gentler alternative approaches to replace highly effective methods such as waterboarding, electric shocks, and sleep deprivation. Preliminary results with Christian worship music have been encouraging. A Department of Defense official who spoke on the condition of anonymity said the U.S. is pleased with the new method because it is considered humane, yet 90% of detainees offer full confessions within a few hours of the new form of “torture.” “Most of the techniques in the past were controversial, even when effective. But we find most Muslim detainees, within three hours, are curled up in a fetal position, screaming 'No more, no more!' when we play the Christian worship music. It is utterly amazing,” the official said.

In the past, the U.S. Military had often used Rock music to attempt to force enemies to surrender, but only succeeded once, causing General Manuel Noriega of Panama to emerge from his compound with his hands in the air crying after hearing Twisted Sister's “We're Not Gonna Take It” played 129 consecutive times. Yet, Christian worship music has been far more effective than Rock music was.“Besides, we have not heard as much wailing and howling even using electric shocks as we have had with the Christian music,” said an anonymous high-level CIA operative with knowledge of interrogation techniques.

Military support staff also require the detainees to stand up during the entire time the Christian worship songs are playing, just as is done in American Christian worship services. “We also tried giving the detainees hymnbooks, but the effect just wasn't the same. In fact, most detainees seemed to enjoy singing hymns. But when we took the hymnbooks away and played only Christian worship songs with the words displayed on PowerPoint slides, they immediately became agitated. Many of the men even fell on the floor facing Mecca and prayed to Allah to bring back the 'little books' as they called them,” said Staff Sergeant Winston Combs, who just recently finished a tour at Guantanamo Bay. “But we would just tap them with the poles of our “Lion of Judah” banners to have them get up again. They would scream and say, 'Please stop!' I couldn't believe it.”

An official announcement from the Obama administration is expected soon.

My Reflections on My UPS Career on Founders Day

We were given a choice whether or not those of us who were having a milestone service year wanted to speak on Founders Day in our department meeting. Since the one consistent feedback I have gotten during my entire 25-year career at UPS was that I don’t speak up enough in meetings, I thought I would make up for the whole thing here today. No one intends to have a long career at UPS. You come to work at UPS as a temporary thing while you are planning your life. Those plans do not include UPS. We come for the benefits, the tuition assistance, the non-standard hours that don’t interfere with classes or our other real jobs. Parents don’t envision their kids growing up and working for UPS. I think these are just the basic realities of life. I worked the majority of my career in Information Services Learning & Development or Corp HR Learning & Development. I would have never lasted 25 years had I been in Operations. I know exactly how long I would have lasted in Operations had I wo...

The Monotony of Commuting

I have spent most of the past twelve years commuting at least one hour a day: 30 minutes to work, and usually 40 minutes to return home. I have tried a number of things to avoid monotony, such as taking as many different routes as possible. I may be the only person in the world who uses a GPS to commute home from work because I try new routes and end up in unfamiliar places. To make the most of the commuting time, I have tried a number of things. I have listened to the Bible and prayed, although it seems a little irreverent to interrupt the prayer yelling at someone who has cut me off. I have listened to Christian radio, which means I have heard the song " I Could Only Imagine " over 5,000 times. I have listened to pop radio. I have listened to the music of my youth to somehow re-energize portions of the brain and keep my mind sharp. Sometimes, I switch back and forth between Christian and pop radio, alternating between joy and guilt. I have listened to talk radio and sports ...

My Prayer Life Is Like, "Whack" (-a-Mole)

I’ve been a practicing Christian my entire adult life, and one would think that would result in a certain level of proficiency in certain practices such as what often occurs when one plays golf, tennis, or does various other activities on a regular basis. Prayer is not like this for me though. Prayer is like whack-a-mole. As soon as I knock down a mole that pops up--some sort of obstacle to my praying--another mole rises in its place. "Whack-a-mole" is exactly how I would describe my prayer life, a daily whacking away at things that prevent prayer.

Rainey Blogs on Some Days

Search This Blog