Three thirty flight. Didn't check departure terminal. Web site said A was for Continental Express. It is now two fifteen. Marcia lets me off at curb of Newark airport. Walk in and see line for check-in is all through the maze and down the corridor. Can't find self-service check-in kiosk. Gotta go to the bathroom BAD. Sign points downstairs. Can't think straight with full bladder. Ride down escalator and follow signs. Bathroom is farther away than expected. Go back upstairs at different escalator and see self-service check in. Get my boarding pass. Says "Gate C136." That's Terminal C. Yikes. Confirm with flight attendant. "Go downstairs to AirTrain and take it to Terminal C," she says. Of course I'm at wrong terminal. Two-thirty. Up the escalator with suitcase. Wait five minutes. AirTrain arrives. Get on with a chatty woman. "Don't your feet get cold wearing those shoes without socks?" she says to the young man with gray deck shoes and no socks. He looks like a young George Michael, before Georgy got weird. "No," he says and smiles. She's gets a call and explains to the caller, and all of us who are stuck in her vocal range, her travel travails. Cleveland, Halifax, treacherous snow, refueling, and now stuck in Newark overnight. The electronic announcer says we're at Terminal C. She's staying on. Good.
Down the escalator, riding, no one walks down so I'm stuck. C-2 Security Checkpoint is worse than the Terminal A ticketing line. Who called for a national meeting today? Show my boarding pass to agent. "That way," she says, pointing to a hallway. I assume I am at the wrong gate and must follow the hallway. Two-forty. Time ticking. My neck tightens. Arrive at C-3 and show my boarding pass to agent. Waves me through and I start chuckling to myself about somehow making it this far. Doubts then set in--she really didn't read my boarding pass. Am I in the correct line? Don't see the list of gates, but can't turn back now. Going for broke in this line. Start wondering if they have full body scanners. Nope, just the scanner threshold to pass through. Looks like the same old slow lines. Getting near the checkpoint and various lanes with tubs. Tubs look new with orange-yellow borders on them. Start the routine. Take off belt and put it in laptop bag. Check. Make it past ID checkpoint. Check. I see a woman who just set off the scanner. Sent her back to take off a little thin black sweater she was wearing over her blouse. She's fuming. Throws it in a tub, pushes it on the roller, and storms through again. Thank you Osama Bin Laden, she must have thought. Arrive at tubs. Throw wadded up receipt in laptop bag. No reason for this. Receipts won't set off scanners. Just nervous I guess. Take off shoes and put in tub. Check. Throw cellphone and change in another tub. Check. Put bag in tub. Check. Put tubs and suitcase on conveyor rollers and push them forward. (Bend knees like UPS taught me when lifting.) Check. Almost there. Two fifty. Walk through scanner. Uneventful. No beeps. I am not randomly selected to search. Check. Spoke too soon. Laptop bag now under scanner and agent is talking to supervisor. Now what did I do? Supervisor laughs and walks away as my tubs and suitcase emerge from black vortex of baggage scanner. Two fifty three. Almost there. Put on coat and refill pockets. Leave shoes untied. Also unbelted. Hurry to gate just in case since C136 is the last gate. Arrive at three sharp. Plane not boarding. Once again, arrived at airport just over an hour before flight departure and made it. Two hours ahead is not necessary. Take that Osama Bin Laden!
Down the escalator, riding, no one walks down so I'm stuck. C-2 Security Checkpoint is worse than the Terminal A ticketing line. Who called for a national meeting today? Show my boarding pass to agent. "That way," she says, pointing to a hallway. I assume I am at the wrong gate and must follow the hallway. Two-forty. Time ticking. My neck tightens. Arrive at C-3 and show my boarding pass to agent. Waves me through and I start chuckling to myself about somehow making it this far. Doubts then set in--she really didn't read my boarding pass. Am I in the correct line? Don't see the list of gates, but can't turn back now. Going for broke in this line. Start wondering if they have full body scanners. Nope, just the scanner threshold to pass through. Looks like the same old slow lines. Getting near the checkpoint and various lanes with tubs. Tubs look new with orange-yellow borders on them. Start the routine. Take off belt and put it in laptop bag. Check. Make it past ID checkpoint. Check. I see a woman who just set off the scanner. Sent her back to take off a little thin black sweater she was wearing over her blouse. She's fuming. Throws it in a tub, pushes it on the roller, and storms through again. Thank you Osama Bin Laden, she must have thought. Arrive at tubs. Throw wadded up receipt in laptop bag. No reason for this. Receipts won't set off scanners. Just nervous I guess. Take off shoes and put in tub. Check. Throw cellphone and change in another tub. Check. Put bag in tub. Check. Put tubs and suitcase on conveyor rollers and push them forward. (Bend knees like UPS taught me when lifting.) Check. Almost there. Two fifty. Walk through scanner. Uneventful. No beeps. I am not randomly selected to search. Check. Spoke too soon. Laptop bag now under scanner and agent is talking to supervisor. Now what did I do? Supervisor laughs and walks away as my tubs and suitcase emerge from black vortex of baggage scanner. Two fifty three. Almost there. Put on coat and refill pockets. Leave shoes untied. Also unbelted. Hurry to gate just in case since C136 is the last gate. Arrive at three sharp. Plane not boarding. Once again, arrived at airport just over an hour before flight departure and made it. Two hours ahead is not necessary. Take that Osama Bin Laden!