The Devil Doesn't Wear Prada . . .

He wears a hoodie, and this is why wearing a hoodie is wrong. Point of clarification: I'm talking about wearing hoodies and actually putting the hood up on your head. This is the point where it crosses the line. You don't have to agree with me, but this is how I see it. So if you're driving a car with a hoodie on, hood over your noggin', I'll think you're planning to do something illegal and the hood will conceal your identity. Wearing a hood while you walk down the street? Got my eye on you, even though I've noticed people wearing hoodies will not make eye contact with me. Is it 90 degrees outside? You're wearing a hoodie with the hood up in that weather? You are obviously up to no good because a hood holds heat in and in that kind of weather, it's cooking your brain and making your skin oily, which causes pimples. Yuck. But I digress from my main point: wearing a hoodie with the hood up is oh-so-wrong! Know how I know? Like I said: The Devil doesn't wear Prada, he wears a hoodie.

Did you see The Passion of the Christ? Who was there in the crowd? That's right—El Diablo. What was he wearing? Uh huh, a hood draped over his head! Did you see the The Bible miniseries on The History Channel recently? You know, the production by Reality TV pioneer Mark Burnett and his wife, Roma Downey of Touched by An Angel? Did you see old Slewfoot in that series? I did, with a pasty-looking face and a hood on his gourd! I guess Satan himself finally realized, probably from focus groups or his marketing department, that he really needed to cover up those horns to reach more people. Enter the hooded one!

So you want to counter my argument and say, “Well, Mark Zuckerberg wears a hoodie, and he's the founder of Facebook and a billionaire?” Good point, but you are playing right into my argument. Mark Zuckerberg obviously works for The Devil and may actually be The Devil. That's how The Devil works, masquerading as something good, and no one would have ever suspected that a red-headed guy from Dobbs Ferry, New York would be The Devil himself. But he couldn't help wearing the hoodie with the hood up, and that gives away his true identity as an associate of you know who. My recommendation: lose the hoodie and show us there's no horns under there!

And if you're a girl, you might want to read an earlier post about the dangers of big hoop earrings in Confessions of a Girl Wearing Big Hoop Earrings. If you see a girl wearing a hoodie with the hood up and big hoop earrings sticking out, run! Danger is imminent.

My Prayer Life Is Like, "Whack" (-a-Mole)

I’ve been a practicing Christian my entire adult life, and one would think that would result in a certain level of proficiency in certain practices such as what often occurs when one plays golf, tennis, or does various other activities on a regular basis. Prayer is not like this for me though. Prayer is like whack-a-mole. As soon as I knock down a mole that pops up--some sort of obstacle to my praying--another mole rises in its place. "Whack-a-mole" is exactly how I would describe my prayer life, a daily whacking away at things that prevent prayer.

The Power of Public Prayers

“Jewish law prefers that Jews pray communally rather than privately.” Joseph Telushkin, “Minyan,” in Jewish Literacy , 719. I’ve been thinking about this notion for a few days after I read it because I get the impression that most of the Christians I know pray individually and about their own self interests more than anything else. I know this is true of me. But Telushkin, reiterating the teachings of the rabbis in connecting Jewish prayer to the concept of minyan , where the minimum number of males required to conduct a worship service or say certain prayers is ten, says that public prayer prevents such personal expressions of self-interest. He says: " . . . the rabbis apparently felt that public prayers are more apt to be offered for that which benefits the entire community, whereas individuals often pray for that which benefits only themselves, even if it be at the expense of someone else" (719). In Evangelical or Pentecostal services that I've attended, at some...

Splendid Isolation?

This was a written and read at a men’s meeting at our church in April 2008 on the topic of “Our Need for Friendships and How Governor Eliot Spitzer Fell.” If a Jew has not seen a friend in over 30 days, tradition calls on that person to greet that friend with this blessing: "Praised are you Adonai our God, Sovereign of the universe, who brings the dead back to life." The blessing is a response to the rabbis' belief that when we lose touch with a friend, we lose a little bit of ourselves too. The author went on to explain: "To renew contact is to reawaken the part of us that no one but our friend animates. For each friend enlivens a specific constellation of our spiritual lives, impulses, our desires, our strengths, our hopes, and our memories." As I thought about this, I felt the rabbis were on to something important. What they seem to suggest is that the richness of a person's life is determined by the friendships they have. The blessing affirms this b...

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