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How to Check the Iron When You're Approaching 50

I can tell I am getting older by the way I check to see if the iron is on. Now that I am nearing fifty, I have noticed it is too much trouble to bend down and see if the iron is plugged in. I mean, it is a long way down there and lots of things can go wrong bending down that far. Dizziness can set in. You can pull a muscle. Wrench your back. (I am finally learning not to reach into the back seat while I'm driving the car for that very reason.) It is also way too much trouble to bend down and unplug the iron to be sure the iron is turned off. Besides, bending down that far for one thing is really not a good use of my time. If I'm bending down that far, I better have more to do than just check the iron. At my age, you just can't go around wasting your energy on frivolous activities like checking to see if the iron is plugged in. Wait until there's a few things to do down there before you commit—picking up paper clips, dryer lint, stray used softener sheets, etc. Getting down there to check a plug is a high-effort activity, so don't waste it. Do a few other things while you're there. Since it is rare for me to have any other activities planned that I can do while I'm in the dirty lowdown position, what do I do? Instead of bending, I feel the surface of the iron with my hand to see if it is hot or not. You might expect that even though I am getting old, I feel young when I scream like a girl if the iron is on and it is hot. That's right, I scream like a girl! So feeling the surface of the iron to see if it is on works for me, even if I occasionally scream like a girl when the surface is really hot. Then I whip my hair back and forth, blow on my fingers and palms, and unplug the iron from the socket with my toes. I feel young when I do that too.

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