Skip to main content

Imagine This: American Idol for Preacher's Now Airing on Fox

With the success of American Idol on Fox Television, the network decided to try to reach the more conservative Heartland population with its new “American Idol Preacher's Edition.” The show pits preachers from around the country against each other in a competition for who will be America's next “idol” preacher. Although producers of the new show considered using “experts” in evaluating preaching, they finally decided that anyone could evaluate preaching and decided to stick with their popular trio of judges from their prime time American Idol program: Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul, and Simon Cowell.

In early rounds of the competition, the three judges seemed tentative with their remarks and dismissed some preachers rather arbitrarily. By the time the competition reached the finals, though, they were back to giving their usual insightful, reflective feedback that quality of the preachers’ performances.

Here are a few excerpts of the comments of Jackson, Abdul, and Cowell during a recent competition:

To Buck Eutsler of Hot Springs, AR—Sermon Title: “Reaching Unchurched Bobby Joe and Peggy Sue”

Randy: Man, I thought your sermon was really groovin', man. Let's hear it in the dog pound--ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh--okay, let's cool down pound. You stepped up and showed me how to deliver the goods tonight, Buck. You the man!

Paula: You know, Buck, I just didn't think that sermon was you. Sermon selection is soooo important in this competition, and I don't think that sermon showed your best stuff. I mean, not everyone can do seeker-sensitive like Bill Hybels, but you tried. Don't just copy someone else. Be original!

Simon: Buck, I'm sorry, but I thought your sermon sounded more like something a medieval monk who hasn't bathed or talked to another human being for several years would do.

To Rudy Rockett of Oklahoma City, OK—Sermon Title “Holy Ghost Anointing in the Meeting”

Randy: I don't know, man. I just don't think this sermon was your best effort. I mean, I know you went out on a limb and wore a bow tie, but I'm not sure it was workin' for everybody.

Paula: Rudy, I just love the way you took a risk tonight. Everyone else had three and four point sermons, but you show your individuality and creativity by preaching a one-point sermon. You're a risk taker. That's what I love about you. Preachers aren't known for being risk takers, but you sure are. And the courage it took to wear a bow tie--wonderful! I'm a better person because I heard this sermon.

Simon: Not many people have the range to try a Henny Binn sermon after doing Robert Schuller in the previous round. But I must say that you made it work because you perfected his flamboyant style, allegorization of plain biblical texts, and multiple heretical statements in a single sermon. I think is what "Idol" is all about—showing us your range.

Paula: I think it’s Benny Hinn, not Henny Binn!

Simon: What-ever.

To Bill Robertson of Worcester, Massachusetts—Sermon Title: “The Healing of the Inner Child”

Randy: Man, this was deep! I mean, man, I felt like I finally understand myself now. But something’s still missing, man. Maybe it’s like you’ve got this kind of cold, Northeastern delivery style or something. I don’t know, but it was deep, man.

Paula: Bill, you know I’ve been a huge fan of your sermon outlines and alliterations throughout this competition. But I thought you held back a little too much tonight. We’re in the finals, now. You’ve got to go for it! But I’m still a huge fan. It was okay for me, not great, but okay.

Simon: Well, the others won’t say it, Bill, but I will. I think you are one of the few preachers who know who they are in this competition. You’re an emotionally distant, cold, robe-wearing liberal who has this condescending, “I’m smarter than you because I went to an Ivy League” school persona. Some of the others have tried hell fire and damnation one week, seeker sensitive the next, and then moved on to health and prosperity. But you’re a pure liberal through and through. And you know it! So when Bill comes out, we know we’re getting Bill the Liberal. That’s why you’re going to go far in this competition.

In the next round, rumor has it that the contestants must wear a camel’s hair tunic or slick back their hair with Wild Root Hair Oil before they preach. A Fox spokesperson would not comment on potential themes or costuming of upcoming shows.

Popular posts from this blog

The Monotony of Commuting

I have spent most of the past twelve years commuting at least one hour a day: 30 minutes to work, and usually 40 minutes to return home. I have tried a number of things to avoid monotony, such as taking as many different routes as possible. I may be the only person in the world who uses a GPS to commute home from work because I try new routes and end up in unfamiliar places. To make the most of the commuting time, I have tried a number of things. I have listened to the Bible and prayed, although it seems a little irreverent to interrupt the prayer yelling at someone who has cut me off. I have listened to Christian radio, which means I have heard the song " I Could Only Imagine " over 5,000 times. I have listened to pop radio. I have listened to the music of my youth to somehow re-energize portions of the brain and keep my mind sharp. Sometimes, I switch back and forth between Christian and pop radio, alternating between joy and guilt. I have listened to talk radio and sports ...

My Reflections on My UPS Career on Founders Day

We were given a choice whether or not those of us who were having a milestone service year wanted to speak on Founders Day in our department meeting. Since the one consistent feedback I have gotten during my entire 25-year career at UPS was that I don’t speak up enough in meetings, I thought I would make up for the whole thing here today. No one intends to have a long career at UPS. You come to work at UPS as a temporary thing while you are planning your life. Those plans do not include UPS. We come for the benefits, the tuition assistance, the non-standard hours that don’t interfere with classes or our other real jobs. Parents don’t envision their kids growing up and working for UPS. I think these are just the basic realities of life. I worked the majority of my career in Information Services Learning & Development or Corp HR Learning & Development. I would have never lasted 25 years had I been in Operations. I know exactly how long I would have lasted in Operations had I wo...

How I Spent the Morning of My Birthday? Getting an Oil Change

I am spending my birthday this year getting an oil change. I do not need a TV in the waiting room at the Chrysler dealership while I am waiting for my car to be serviced. I would prefer silence with all of us just sitting here looking at each other every now and then, imagining what the other person's life is like. For example, a woman is sitting across from me who looks like a young Woody Allen and I'm just thinking to myself, “What are the chances on my birthday of seeing a woman who looks like Woody Allen?” Just when I was having doubts about getting an oil change and tire rotation on my birthday, this unexpected gift comes to me. I also do not need the psycho reality TV shows yelling and screaming in the background. I can sit and read a book or write a few paragraphs on my steno pad while I wait. Same thing for the airport. I don't need a TV or laptop or iPad to babysit for me while my flight is delayed. I can use the time to think, to ponder the meaning of li...